Vacation

So I just came back from my annual trip to Austria with my family and god, I needed that vacation. I had this horrible, horrible exam just before I left. I literally studied 12-14 hours each day for it and I'm not happy with the result at all. It still bothers me.
Nevertheless it was great to get away from Dresden and everything for about a week and spend some time with my Mom and my sister - well, I live with my sister, so I spend time with her every day, but usually we're both busy with the stuff that we do so a vacation is different. We went skiing in Schattwald, which is a little village in Austria. We've been going to the same bed and breakfast place there since I was 11 and my Mom used to go there with her parents until my sister was born. I just love it there. The whole house always smells like coffee and the woman who runs the place is such a sweetheart. My sister and I gave her the name "Igelfrau" (which could be translated to "Lady hedgehog") when we were kids because her face kind of looks like the face of a hedgehog - a nice hedgehog!
We were extremely lucky with the weather, too. It started snowing the day we got there, kept snowing for the next two days followed by two days of beautiful sunshine. It was perfect. We went skiing all day and played a lot of settlers in the evenings.
The other guests there are worth mentioning, too. They've been coming there forever as well so we already knew them. They are an interesting mixture of annoyingly loud, sweet and annoyingly ignorant. It's a group of three couples from different places in North Rhine Westphalia and some of them have the worst accent! They're all pretty old, narrow minded and read the BILD. The women like to discuss church and housekeeping while the men discuss soccer and play Skat (a very traditional German card game). On the other hand the women are very caring and the men let me play Skat with them, which I love, but which hardly anyone ever plays with me - it's a great game but somehow the only people who realize that except for me are men older than 60. Well, but of course they couldn't play with me without making remarks about how we should play for clothes. All of them are such a cliché (and one that I don't particularly fancy) but nevertheless I'm kind of sad that they probably won't be there the next time we go there. I had just gotten used to them!
Anyway, I had a great time and feel now at least kind of ready for the probably stressful march that awaits me. But a lot of it is good stress. Just also work. But no studying till 12 at night. Yay! :)

Feeling particularly well today!

Things have taken a very nice turn lately.
The most important one for me right now is that I will be doing the internship required for my graduation this fall in freaking Boulder, Colorado!!!!!!111oneeleven
I'm really, really, really excited about this. And again it shows how often things just.. happen. Without really planning it. It so just happened that a professor from that university gave a talk at my university because he knows someone there and was on his way to finland (which is so very close to Germany... ... if you are from the US). Anyway, the person he knows happens to know the guy who is the supervisor of my thesis and invited him to come and he in turn invited me to come. First I didn't even wanna go because it wasn't a public talk and I thought it would be weird to go, but I went anyway and the talk was really interesting. Also, I felt that the comments I made and questions I asked where intelligent enough to make a good first impression so I was daredevil enough to ask him for an intership - and it worked! Wow. I'm so glad I did it even though I was nervous and felt quite bold.
We still have to sign a contract and I have to get a visa and find somewhere to stay and so on, so there are plenty of things that could go wrong, but please keep your fingers crossed that it won't, because I really, really, really wanna do this!

Moreover, someone asked me whether I wanted to be part of a group of young artists who run a gallery in the baroque part of Dresden, or at least show some of my pictures there. Unfortunately I haven't really been painting or drawing since I moved to Dresden, so I don't have any new artworks. But as I don't want to waste this opportunity, I'm going to work on that - but that has to wait until march/april. It also gives me a reason to paint again, which is something I've been wanting to do for a while now but which never was important enough, so I always ended up doing other things instead. But I'm full of ideas!


Other than than I'm still really busy with university related things, but the events of the last weeks make me happy which in turn gives me more energy for the tasks ahead. So I'm not gonna complain. Everything looks very peachy right now.

Not feeling particularly well today...

Sometimes I have this overwhelming feeling of not being able to cope with my life - or more specific: with my studies - at all. I feel that there is so much to do and there is just no way that I will be able to do all of it in a way that I'm satisfied with. Right now there are to exams ahead, one of which is super-important and the other one, that is just 3 days before that one, is also really important because both of them will partly determine my final grade - the one first mentioned will actually be 1/8 of my final grade. This is usually enough to freak me out anyway, but then there is also my thesis, which I am kind of starting, or not, I don't know, because everything isn't very organized and I don't really get what the guy wants from me or where he wants to go with the whole project. He's a great guy and he basically treats me like an equal, which I think is a good thing, but which is also kind of overwhelming and stressing me out. I don't feel competent enough for that. And then we agree on things I should do and when I get home I realize that I don't have any idea what exactly those things mean and I'm scared that everything I do is wrong. Moreover there are like five million other things I have to do for university - well, not five million obviously but I have a presentation next week which has to be finished on friday (today is wednesday) and I have literally not even read through the papers and stuff we are supposed to use. Plus, one of the people who is doing the presentation with me isn't even in town right now and will come back, like, one day before the actual presentation or something. Also, I have to present an interview I had to do next week and also hand in a 4-8 pages final report for another class, which I still have to write completely. And somehow I have to find time in between to study for those two exams in february. I already started to study for one of them in november or something and I haven't even worked through 1/3 of the content. How am I supposed to do the rest in 1 1/2 super stressfull months???

You don't wanna go to Prohlis... and Pizza!

Somehow I have the feeling that documenting my dreams makes me remember more of them. Here is another, relatively short one:

Joe Lee... very young indeed.

I was talking to Jitka, a friend from university and because we had to prepare a presentation together, her and I took the tram to Prohlis, where she lived. It turned out that Prohlis was pretty much of a slum/trailer park kind of place. While we were walking through it, I said something like "this isn't exactly the nicest part of Dresden", to which she agreed. Then she added that on top of that only old people lived there except for her and the guy who was living right next to her. A guy, who looked like Joe Lee from the series "True Blood" overheard that and said "no, no, I'm young, too".

Also I made the best pizza ever today. I never used to be a huge fan of home-made pizza because it never tasted anything near the pizza at italian restaurants. I've been trying new recipes for the dough and different ways of baking it and finally I developed a recipe I really, really like. If any of you would like to try it out, just leave a comment and I will post it.

Yet another dream

This time less coherent (and in English because people asked me to).
It started out with me and my sister (I think) being at our old school and trying to find the room, where all the computers are, even though I don't remember why. One of the guys who was in the same classes as me (In Germany you have basically all classes except for religion classes with the same people until 11th/12th grade), called Christopher, was there, too. For some reason the room wasn't where it used to be but in a different room, whichs purpose I don't remember right now. But I don't think it was a classroom. I think it was some kind of science room... physics or chemistry. Anyway, we were looking for that room but somehow always got blocked by people, students and teachers alike.  When we finally got there, a class was in it so we had to wait. When the students got out, my sister looked inside and said, all surprised "oh, they have new computers".
Cut.
I'm at my room, which is the room that I used to live in when I was a kid (like 3-8 or something) and I'm playing an online roleplaying game - but not with the people I usually play with, but with my biology teacher from school, Mr. Secker, when I suddenly realize that I had won a trip to japan (how can you forget something like that?!) and the flight leaves in an hour so we should have left half an hour ago (somehow in my dream it only took half an hour to an airport). I said "brb" to Mr. Secker and ran into the kitchen to tell my parents. My dad, who was still alive in my dream obviously, said he'd call the airport and ask if it makes sense at all to get there that late. I ran into my room and started packing my things quite hectically and without any plan what to take with me. I didn't even know how warm/cold it was in Japan, so I just packed all kinds of clothes, including a bright green skirt, that I had gotten from my sister, a very wide pair of jeans and other things that I don't remember right now. I also remember thinking "damn it, why did I wash my favourite pair of jeans _today_?! Now I can't take it with me", which is funny, because I actually did wash my favourite pair of jeans yesterday. Somehow my brain still new that.
I also resented not having bought new earplugs, which I had wanted to do for weeks (also true in real life). Why I was putting things in my bag, which was on my bed, my mom tried to help me by bringing stuff from the bathroom and my dad came back in , saying something like "no problem at all. A plane will wait for you at the airport, which will take you to Sydney, where you can catch your flight to Japan" - which of course doesn't make any sense, because Sydney is about as furthest away from here as possible. It wouldn't make any sense to fly there first. However, that didn't concern me in my dream. My only concern was, that I didn't have time to tell the online-people and especially Mr. Secker where I was going and just suddenly being gone, which seemed rather rude to me.


I think it's interesting and weird how dreams change. I mean - my dreams are still just as weird as they used to be, but I used to dream a lot about lakes and swimming pools. Now I seem to dream a lot about packing my bags. I have no idea why and I don't think I will ever find out, because the brain and dreams are just too complex and not well enough understood at all, but I'm sure that there is some reason. Maybe the associative network of my brain changed and while in the past somehow water-swimming-things were closely linked to a lot of things for some reason, now packing my bags is linked with a lot of things. But even if that's true I have no idea why.

Weird dream III

Heute Nacht hatte ich mal wieder einen sehr lebendigen Traum:

Flavia

 Ich war Flavia, einer meiner Rollenspielcharaktere, und der Traum fing damit an, dass Solan (auch ein Charakter - nicht die Person aus dem ersten Traum; allerdings ein Charakter dieses Menschen) mich (also Flavia) aus der Taverne (wo das Ganze spielt), die im Traum aussah wie das Haus meiner Tante (sie wohnt in einem alten Fachwerkhaus. Vom Ambiente passt das durchaus) verbannen und nach Hause schicken wollte. Seine Begründung dafür war, dass ich in meiner Welt behauptet hätte, ich sei für ein "akademisches Auslandsjahr" weg, und das Jahr ja schon lange um sei. Ich war aber davon überzeugt, dass er mich nur loswerden wollte, weil er von mir genervt war, was bei den beiden Charakteren auch nicht so absurd ist. Jedenfalls hatte er meine Eltern, die im Spiel nicht existieren, schon dort hingeholt, damit sie mich abholen. Mein Vater war irgendwie Hitler und meine Mutter sah aus wie Sarah Palin. Ich hab beide im Traum total gehasst und wollte auf keinen Fall zurück, dachte aber, dass es besser sei, erst so zu tun, als würde ich brav mitgehen, um dann abzuhauen, wenn Solan, der mich eh aufhalten könnte, nicht dabei ist. Dementsprechend umarmte ich die beiden dann auch und tat ganz brav.

Tina with spiral eyes

Dann kam ein Schnitt und ich war bereits auf der Flucht, zu dem Zeitpunkt noch im Haus meiner Tante, wo ich versuchte mich zu verstecken. Verfolgt wurde ich von mehreren adoleszenten und jungen erwachsenen Männern, die auch von Solan geschickt worden waren. Ich versteckte mich immer in irgendwelchen Zimmern, die auch abzuschließen gingen, aber wenn sich die Schritte näherten bekam ich doch immer Panik und kletterte aus dem Fenster oder ging durch eine andere Tür, wodurch sich das ziemlich hinzog. Irgendwann war ich dann auch im Teil des Hauses, den ich gar nicht kannte und den meine Tante an irgendwelche Leute vermietete, wovon ich bis dahin nichts wusste. Ich floh aus dem Haus und rannte dahinter einen Hügel herunter zu einem Spielplatz - der war im Traum aber weg und statt dessen war dort ein Vergnügungspark mit einer riesigen Leinwand, auf der die ganze Zeit Kinderkanal lief. Ich versteckte mich dort hinter irgendwelchen Büschen und während ich da ausharrte, schaute ich eben auf die Leinwand. Zuerst kam dort eine Vorschau mit den Worten "Ihr habt so lange darauf gewartet! Endlich! Die neuen Folgen!". Ich hatte dann kurz die Hoffnung, dass es neue Folgen von "The Tribe" gebe, eine Serie, von der ich mit 15/16 völlig besessen war. Dem war aber nicht so. Es gab neue Folgen einer Serie die "Tina with spiral eyes" hieß. Das war eine Cartoonserie, in der die Hauptperson orange Locken hatte und Augen, die wie Trivial-pursuit-Spielsteine aussahen, nur dass zwei der Ecken (die beiden horizontalen, sich gegenüberliegenden) weiß waren mit chwarzen Spiralen drauf. Danach kam ein Beitrag über einen Deutschen, der während einer Tour in einer schottischen Punkband mitspielte. Das war zufällig einer meiner Verfolger und er sah aus wie ein Typ aus "The Tribe". Der hatte auch eine total tolle, raue Stimme, aber hat immer nur "You're gonna be an emo" gesungen. Zumindest da in dem Beitrag.

Verfolgertyp

Dann war der in echt irgendwie auch da, nur ein paar Meter von mir entfernt, hatte aber offenbar aufgegeben mich zu verfolgen. Er war in Begleitung einiger Gleichaltriger beider Geschlechter, von denen eine seine Freundin war, was man am Verhalten aber nicht merkte. Ein anderes Mädchen hatte für ihren Freund irgendwas Süßes besorgt und sagte, scheinbar an Verfolgertyp gerichtet, dass es ja doch schön sei, wenn man seinem Partner gelegentlich mal was gutes täte. Verfolgertyp sagte dazu nur "Nee, find ich nicht. Also wenn sie es nicht explizit äußert, dass sie es unbedingt will, kriegt die von mir nix", stand dann auf und ging weg.
Wieder ein Cut und ich rannte wieder weg, weil die Verfolgung weitergeht, weiterhin in dem Vergnügungspark. Irgendwann sprang ich in einen Wagen von der Achterbahn mit dem Gedanken, dass mich ja niemand fangen kann, während ich auf der Achterbahn bin. Blöderweise setzte sich ein anderer Verfolgungstyp, ein leicht übergewichtiger ca. 16-jähriger mit dunkelblonden Haaren und einem braunroten T-shirt, nur ein paar Reihen hinter mich. Ich rutschte tiefer in dem Sitz, damit er mich nicht sah, aber als ich dann nach hinten linste, bemerkte er mich doch und grinste breit und selbstzufrieden. Dann ging die Fahrt los - die Achterbahn war ziemlich harmlos, keine Loopings oder so - und als sie zu Ende war, musste man noch so eine Rutsche runterrutschen. Das tat ich auch sehr schnell und begann wegzurennen. Als ich einen Blick nach hinten warf, sah ich aber, dass der Typ nur etwa 5 Meter hinter mir war und weil ich wusste, dass ich weder ausdauernd noch besonders schnell bin, gab ich dann auf, blieb stehen und ließ mich von ihm umtacklen. Das war das Ende des Traums.

I did it!

Ich hab mir nach ca. 14 Jahren meine Haare kurz schneiden lassen. Zum Beweis zwei Fotos. Auf dem einen seh ich irgendwie psycho-depri aus, das andere hat komische grelle Farben (so rot sind meine Haare in der Tat nicht). Aber irgendwas ist ja immer ;)